Bill explains how the world works to stupid, selfish, liberal Dennis

(satire) Obviously. But perhaps not, so there.

Transcript of Bill O'Reilly interviewing Dennis Kucinich here.

KUCINICH: You know, first of all, the American eagle needs two wings to fly. Don’t forget that. And, secondly, what I stand for is mainstream: health care for all, jobs for all, employment security. That’s what all Americans want.

O’REILLY: Yes, they want it, but you can’t -- the only way to get all that is by implementing a socialistic system. And that’s what they don’t want, so that’s the...

If you want a secure job and health care, you're a socialist. Actually, it's probably ok to want these things for yourself, but if you start wanting it for other people, you're a socialist. We're pretty smart here in America, but socialism is the only way to give Americans secure jobs and health care. There's just no other way to solve the conundrum, so pick one. See, we can't have socialism, so we can't solve these problems. Suck it up. Now, if you were a good, cut-throat red-blooded American like Bill O'Reilly, you'd be satisfied getting your own needs filled. Why do you have to such an asshole and care about what other people need? That's your problem, you know.

KUCINICH: You know what, though? But in a country where the wealth is accelerating to the top because of our tax system, because of our health care system, because of our energy policies, I think the American people in this election are going to want to recognize we need to go in a new direction.

O’REILLY: It’s going to be -- it’s going to be interesting, because most Americans don’t like socialism and they admire achievement. And they understand that guys like me pay an enormous amount of tax, enormous. Now, I don’t mind paying it, but if you’re going to take 50 percent, 60 percent, I’ll retire. You don’t want that.

A new direction means socialism, and we can't have that. Bill already explained that. What are you, dense? Now, it's important to remember that Bill is very very very selfless and doesn't mind paying 'enormous' amounts of tax. Just enormous. But if we put any more weight on his sturdy, selfless shoulders, he. will. retire. Obviously, we don't want that to happen. That would be a national tragedy, so suck it up. Stop thinking about yourself all the time, and start thinking about the sacrifices that people like Bill O'Reilly make for this country. This is your problem, you know? You never think of the poor rich people in America.

KUCINICH: Do you know that 1 out of every 3 health care dollars goes for the activities of the for-profit system, corporate profits, stock options, executive salary, advertising, marketing?

O’REILLY: That’s the free market place. You can’t control it.

Allright?? You cannot control the free market place. You just can't do it. Does the sun rise in the east every morning? Eggsactly. And you cannot control the free market place. If you tried to exert any control over the free market place, that would be socialism, and as Bill has already explained like five times, we can't have socialism in America. Why can't you get this through your thick head?

O’REILLY: I like the fact that there should be a safety net for health care. I don’t want anybody to be out on the street.

KUCINICH: Bill, 50 million people are without health care.

O’REILLY: We can’t afford it.

We can't control the free market place, and that's why we can't afford health care for all. What's the matter with you, are you stupid? This is really straightforward. The money that would make health care affordable for another 50 million people has to go to corporate profits and CEO salaries. That's the free market place, which you cannot control without killing America. It's the price these people pay to live in a free market place kind of country. If you weren't so selfish you'd recognize this and happily sacrifice your health for the USA.

KUCINICH: The truth is we shouldn’t have gone into Iraq.

O’REILLY: OK, but Iraq’s a different thing. We won that. We won that.

KUCINICH: Where’s the soft approach?

O’REILLY: You don’t want to confront Putin militarily in Georgia; you don’t want to confront Iran militarily. You don’t want to do all of that.

KUCINICH: Bill, why have a war if you don’t need it?

See, we won in Iraq. Already won that war. If you weren't such a pussy, you'd see that we should go right over there and smash up the Russians and nuke Iran. War is good for America. People love war. It's a blast. There's nothing to worry about. We'll kick their asses.

O’REILLY: Because the reason Bush did that was because he knew down the road Putin would invade somebody, which he has.

KUCINICH: No, excuse me. Georgia invaded South Ossetia.

O’REILLY: OK. All right, you know I love you. It’s great to have you on here. All right, I’m just wondering whether Obama loves you as much as I do.

Georgia invaded South Ossetia....this guy is such a ham...OK this interview is over. Cut. CUT! Love you, baby. You liberals are soft as shit, but we love you man. Love having you on the show.